My Rants: Duck Dynasty The Video Game

Okay, so everyone knows the fucking deal here. Whenever there's something popular going around in media or some shit, some jackass from the streets starts talking shit about "Wouldn't it be great if it was a movie/TV show/Video Game/etc and another jackass from the streets who works for a certain company hears that and pitches the idea to their boss and if they like it then they'll make it happen. Don't believe me, look at Transformers Rise of the Dark Spark, Lego Fucking Everything, and so on. In my opinion almost everything that is popular now these days are going to get noticed and start going out from the norm that they're from and some of them sound good like for example Ratchet and Clank for the PlayStation is going to get their own movie, including Minecraft though I have no idea what the plot would be I mean it's Minecraft all you fucking do is build and kill monsters all to go and find the Ender Dragon or the Wither. However most of the time they're complete shit, and from what I can get the most games I gotten that were terrible movie or television show licensed video games came from the same company, that company was no other than Activision.

Yeah, they did it all for me. Transformers Rise of the Dark Spark, Walking Dead Survival Instinct, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of the Shadows, Battleship, Angry Birds, fucking Amazingly-Gayer Man (I seriously fucking hate Amazing Spider Man), iCarly, Over The Hedge, Shrek, the list goes fucking on and they all sucked! Yet for some reason I feel sort of bad for Activision because they used to make such good games like Prototype, Guitar Hero, Ty the Tasmanian Tiger, and others yet they just keep on making shit and I believe that they're only managing to survive now these days is to get little fucker kids to buy all their shit for Call of Duty, and I live with one who gets all hipped up over fucking Call of Duty bullshit. But Call of Duty is another day, for now I'm focusing on one of their latest game developments. So apparently a television company got in hold with Activision and asked them to make a video game about one of their shows and they agreed to it. So what television company was it, Cartoon Network asking for an Adventure Time game or a Steven Universe game? Is it Disney asking for a Gravity Falls video game? Nope, it was that of A&E and they asked them to make a Duck Dynasty video game...wait what!?

Okay apparently there's a lot of questions on my plate and I need to do my best to answer them all. First off, who was the jackass who thought "Hey, you know what would be great? Making a video game about the show Duck Dynasty!" Secondly, how can you make a video game out of this? I mean for starters it's a reality show but then again that's no excuse but if you seen the show and then look at the sheer thought that Activision is making a whole video game about this show you'll be thinking to yourself "Now how the fuck are they going to do that!?" Well I'll tell you by first explaining the plot. So basically you play as a silent protagonist as you hang out with the people of the show, and when I say silent protagonist you are literally nothing more than a literal fly on the wall listening to their conversation. They hardly even react to you like as though you aren't even there! You're an undead spirit invisible to all those around you as you are cursed to be bound to these people for all time forever and ever until their entire family line dies out.

So besides creepily watching the characters of the show like a deranged stalker, what else do you do? Well you can do duck calling, yeah that's really fun for you right there. There's also air-boat racing, same thing as duck calling it's "fun." There's also hunting, you know the more I think about it the more I think that this game is nothing more than a fucking mini-game gallery! Like seriously there's like a total of three things to do in this game, do a rhythm set duck calling mini-game, do an air-boat racing game, and do a hunting shooter game. That's fucking it, if I wanted to play a game that is nothing more than a mini-game gallery then I would just play Wii Carnival, and the graphics...what the flying fuck!? Was this intentional, to make the textures and the graphics look muddy as shit, like back in the days when the GameCube was still popular and that Charlies Angels the video game came out (which by the way it's also shit) and create this ugly looking game? Then again that might just be the Wii graphics I'm talking about, the other consoles like the PlayStation and the Xbox are kind of like the graphics for of course the Walking Dead Survival Instinct. The 3DS however...well just look at the cover box, just take a look.

And this game shows that it's downright terrible, I'm not the only person that has reviewed it and what are the average ratings for this game from people? Usually a 1/10 or a 1/5, I looked it up on Gamefly and it has a 3/10...a 3/10? Okay someone who has played this game please notify me any good qualities to this game because I don't see how this game gets a 3/10? Maybe a 2 or of course a 1 but a 3? Yeah, sorry folks of Duck Dynasty and Activision, looks like more money just went down the fucking drain for y'all.