My Rants: Elder Scrolls: Cheat Mods

*Groan Intensifies* I had to get to this issue eventually. It was coming for a long time and the modding community for Skyrim yet alone any fucking game in existence that allows modding knows this. This issue is literally the bane of my existence every time I go to Nexus Mods and see these pieces of shit on the new files with their ridiculous and pathetic excuse to even be considered a mod.

Look, I aint much to even be talking about modding because I myself don't know jack shit how to make mods. I want to learn, I want to try, hell give me some time and I would mostly be known as the guy who just takes vanilla armor/weapon assets and put them together to make something unique and interesting which I've seen modders done before and succeed. Even some of my favorite armor mods in Skyrim are just that. Bits and pieces of different armors put together to make something cool and have its own style. However all these people do is just slap an overpowered enchantment on a weapon, most likely daedric because edgy, and if they have the tools change the color of the weapon into neon green or fucking blue. And I'm not talking about having blue detail or anything like that, I'm talking about if someone were to have taken an actual daedric sword and poured a bucket worth of blue paint on the whole thing.

And these enchantments or altered stats for these weapons and armors and jewelry are just insane that completely breaks the game. One mod I can think of at the top of my head is called the Vorpal Sword, sweet name I know. Now lets look at this weapon shall we? It's a Daedric Sword, of course, so if I compare it to a normal Daedric sword we can see that the Vorpal sword has a weight of sixteen. Glad the mod maker kept that, because if not then it would've obviously been weightless or less than a pound like 0.1 or something even smaller than that if possible in this game. Its damage however, where a normal Daedric sword is fourteen on average, the Vorpal sword has a damage of one hundred and twelve on average. That's not the kicker however, it also has an enchantment attached with the ability to burn targets by one hundred points and absorb twenty points of health, magicka, and stamina on strike.

But you're probably saying to yourself, "Well maybe the mod creator put the sword in some discreet location or a difficult dungeon you have to progress through in order to get it?" Nope, straight out at the start of the game in Helgen it spawns right into your inventory and it's a spell no less and you can cast and grab it at any time you want for five minutes. You know the kinds of shit one person can do with that sword in the span of five minutes, kind of a lot. And that's just the sword version, I cant imagine what the greatsword version of this weapon can do. There's also one that's most recent upon the making of this rant. The Aetherius Ring, surprised it didn't have daedric anything involved in this, at least we're making some progress. So what does this ring do exactly, regenerate magicka by 500%, grant 500 magicka, and reduce spell cost by 50% and can be found easily in Dragonsreach.

You know, talking about these mods I'm surprised that these mod makers yet alone the people who bother to download these failed abortions have yet to realize that there is a way to get the ultimate weapon in the game and that there is a way to have the highest amount of armor, run around while carrying a million stacks of dragon bones, have unlimited magic and stamina, and can never die...it's called God Mode. A simple press of five buttons on your keyboard. That little squiggly line at the top left of the keyboard probably above the left Tab button or however the fuck you open the console commands which I am sure you can figure out. If not, quit being a lazy fuck and look it up. You have a computer, if you're reading this you have the internet and you have both fingers and the brain capacity to look through google or whatever to find how to open console commands. Then once you do open that up, you just simply type in three letters. T, G, M. Now this is the most crucial part, the important step that which everyone forgets. After you type those three letters, you then press the "ENTER" button. If you can't do that then you still deserve a treat for trying, you earned that bleach cyanide cocktail.

As a matter of fact...why the fuck are you playing the game in the first place? If you can't play the entire game without the use of god mode or having to install a cheat mod in order to progress through the game then why bother playing the game at all? Imagine if every game does that right at the bat. With Dark Souls you're instantly given the best armor and weapon and a ring that weakens enemies close by. In Halo you're given an infinite ammo Rocket Launcher and shield with an unlimited cap. In Pokemon you're given a Mewtwo with all stats buffed, immune to all attacks, and have the best moves in the entire game. In Guitar Hero, you don't have to hold down the buttons just as long as you're strumming your plastic guitar. In fact, no. You don't even have to hold the damn thing while you play Guitar Hero. Just leave it down on the floor and go out and masturbate and when you come back you'll see that you've one hundred percent a two hundred song playlist by doing nothing but STROKING! THAT! DICK!

I'm sorry that I'm getting moody with this, but I just get so frustrated when I see these mods and ask myself what's the point? If you want to cheat, fine go ahead. But at the very least let me earn it, or at the very least make it so that it's fair per say. Like there's this one mod called "Lockpick Pro" that adds a menu bar above the lockpicking minigame that tells you where the sweet spot is. Yes I know I sound like a hypocrite at this point but listen, I don't prefer or endorse this mod at all. Yet I know the annoyance of trying to lockpick something and having your lockpicks break over and over again or having to lockpick things again and again in such a short time span that it gets annoying. I actually sort of miss the open lock spells back in Oblivion and there are times where I ask why can't I just smash the lock and in Oblivion the lockpicking game wasn't all that bad compared to what we have now. Thank god it's back in ESO because I would've killed a fucker if I had to go through that shit again.

Would I suggest this lockpicking mod? Unless you're really bad at lockpicking I wouldn't really. You can if you want until you start to feel confident that you can do it all on your own. As I said, you can implement certain cheats into the game but they have to be done correctly otherwise what's the point in playing? Toning down the item a bit and putting it in some difficult area or through a special quest, having to have done a specific task in order to unlock it, add a negative effect onto it where it's like a double edged sword per say, things like that. Just don't fucking give me a sword that deals nine hundred and ninety nine damage and absorbs a thousand health on strike as soon as I walk out of the door on level one.